trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
