Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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