I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
