Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
