youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
