I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
