No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
