Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
