my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
