and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
