I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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