i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
