So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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