its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
