I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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