That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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