i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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