Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
