Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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