Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
