love makes seman taste better
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
