Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize