Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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