I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
