I hate your face
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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