he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
