OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I need a burrito and a hug.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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