Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
