Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
