Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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