I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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