I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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