Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
