don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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