I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
