that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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