??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
