I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize