apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
