Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
