its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
