i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
