I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
