Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
