I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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