I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize