I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
