I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The power of my boobs compel you
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
