areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
