now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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