Porn is love you can see.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
