One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
