I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize