I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
