i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
