How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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