i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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