oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
