I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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