If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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