So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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