It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
