the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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