lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
