The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Holy sore nipples Batman
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
