What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
