I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think my moral compass just broke
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